Culture Shocks
Relocating to Florida after twelve years in England, one of the first culture shocks I experienced was meeting new people who asked 'what do you do' before engaging in the polite etiquette of introductions.
I would answer, 'Hi, I'm Dana, I'm an artist'.
Their instant lack of interest in my answer was palpable but they would muscle through with the hallmark small talk of art business ignoramuses everywhere feigning interest by saying things like 'but what do you do for a living', 'oh thats soooo nice, what kind of art do you do', 'I used to be really good at art but then I had children and had to get a real job', 'my brother is really good at art', 'I cant even draw a stick person' all the while looking over my shoulder for a more financially viable inebriated fool.
Worse yet, I found myself standing there paralyzed by the shock & silently horrified as they slickly segued into a sales pitch for whatever crap they were peddling.
The lame sales pitch over cocktails was another shocker.
This was a social setting with friends in a bar...what the hell happened to introductions, sexual agendas sloppily greased with excessive flattery and booze, laughing at inappropriate jokes and heinous fashion faux pas.
Man or woman, why was some one trying to sell me mortgage services while knocking back jägermeister shots. Why would I want to use the services of anyone who didn't want to know my name, couldn't pretend to care what I did, didn't hit on me, didn't compliment me on my awesome shoes and never bothered to inquire if I even needed mortgage services.
This set the stage for my new pretend career. In an effort to make myself intriguing enough to entice said/and or subsequent douchebags into wanting to know my name, lean in intently with genuine interest about my career and buy me drinks, I invented a never before heard of & wildly interesting career. It was not a well thought out plan but it amused me at the time.
Conversation with Interested Party
DB Jeff: [makes eye contact] "What do you do ?"
Me: "Hi, I'm Dana. I'm a designer"
DB Jeff: [bored already]" So what do you design?"
Me: "Sick bags"
DB: [choking on jägerbomb] 'What ! what do you mean?!"
Me: "you know the sick bags on airplanes"
DB Jeff: [visibly excited] "Really ! OMG, that is soooo cool. I didn't know someone designed them...how did you get started doing that?, what airlines do you work for?"
Me: "well after after presenting the UFSB study results to Virgin, we began developing designs with brighter more cheerful images on sick bags. We also made them with smaller apertures for children. the standard size sick bags are too large for a child's face"
DB Jeff: [interrupts me with another question] "that is sooo interesting..I never even thought about the bags being too big for children...that makes total sense! what is a USFB study."
Me: [sipping fresh cocktail courtesy of DB] "Its one of many studies used by the International Airlines Standards Group. UFSB or 'user friendly sick bag' study was designed to help the airlines deliver a more user friendly experience for sick passengers. We work very closely with Virgin's marketing team to ensure branding integrity"
* I know his name is Jeff because he still has a name tag on from some networking event where he probably never bothered to tell people his name because he wears a name tag
Theres more but you get the idea.
After living in Florida for a few years, establishing a successful art business here and fully exploring several very interesting pretend careers with people who knew my name I had to give up my pretend career.
It was clashing with my real art career.
I would be in a profocial setting chatting with the mayor, new friends or a client and the aforementioned ignaoramus would walk up to me with the boisterous pride known only to people who know people who design sick bags and loudly announce to his or her friends, 'this is Dana, the fabulous designer I told you about who works with the International Airlines Standards Group designing wonderful sick bags!"
They were all so interested to know me. I would say "I'm sorry...do I know you?"
It became officially proficially awkward.
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Part of Speech:
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adjective
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Definition:
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Characterized by having both professional and social qualities
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Why I'm talking about sick bags
I was sorting through my office and organizing stuff ....stuff I didn't remember I had.
I found my very awesome mint condition 'Star Wars Limited Edition Sick Bags' circa 2004 still in their original plastic !
The very sick bags that inspired my short lived but memorable pretend career.
The very interesting business of art is everywhere.
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